2nd Edit: I shuffled in the first edit and provided more context as well as TLDR due to unexplained downvotes.

TLDR:

1.) in Maricopa County, AZ how diffiult is it for a person who has been foreclosed upon to secure their own equity after their property sells for more than the note at a trustee's sale? Or is it something that she can do on her own?

2.) Does the county really hold the money for six months? Why? guess my question is, does the county really have to hold her money for six months minimum sound right? Is thius somethig that needs to be done by a lawyer, dor some other specialist? Or is it likely that she is being taken advantage of?

So, the short version of the story is that my (M, 52) GF (F, 43) of four years (intermittently) lost her house at the beginning of Summer due to nonpayment of her mortgage. Her financial issues were rooted in a crippling anxiety disorder compounded by profound grief and survivors guilt, which came on the heels of a pretty bad case of empty nest syndrome. She was hospitalized for suicidal ideation for a bit the year before, lost her job as a medical assistant, but was denied state insurance for follow up because I guess she wasn't far enough from her last paycheck. She has since started serving - says the money is better than medical assistant and she was burned out anyway, but she lost her job due to summer being the slow season right before losing her house.

For context, this is a woman who has some unresolved trauma from horrible physical abuse at hands of her father, and at least one sexual assault that I know nothing else about, other than it happened before I met her. She tells me that her dad is repentant - apologized to her and took ownership when she began setting boundaries around his acces to her kids (who are both grown and out of the house). But four years with this woman have been puncutated with behavior from her that I still can't believe sometimes, that only makes sense in the context of complex PTSD. She tells me that she has been suicidal off and since the age of 9, and yet had never had more than a couple months of involvent with a mental health professinal at a time.

Anyway, I went to the trustee's auction - it was on the steps of the courthouse and there were about 8 people bidding, standing in a loose circle in the shade;. Through some weird twist of fate, there were half a dozen houses advertised to auction that day, and all but hers got posponed. When the bidding was about to start, I announced myself, and that I was there on behalf of the current owner, who had lost her home because of mental illness, I mentioned that the house had been flipped before she bought it in 2016, that I had built a pretty sweet pergola in the back, etc. I saw everyone visibly cringe when I started talking and pretend not to hear me. But I could tell they all did. I was brief, and said thanks and shut up, but hung around for the bidding. And I dont know for sure if it helped, but the winning bidder paid about $110K more than the note on the house. This is nowhere near what she had in equity, but I was happy for her because it's better than nothing.

As I started to leave the auction, one of the guys who was bidding told me after it was all over that he could offer his services to secure the money left after the note. I was confused about why she would need help - I figured it was something that she could do on her own and I'd help her if she needed. I asked if he was an attorney, and he said no but his offices specializes in this sort of thing. This struck me as being a little bit predatory. I told him he'd have to contact her, which he did along with many others, including, I'm pretty sure, some companies that were also represented at the sale.

I went home, and read what both the State and County websites had to say on the matter, downloaded the appliication packet entitled "Application for Release of Excess Proceeds of Foreclosure Sale" and provided that to her, along with the contact of a local (actual) attorney whose website and yelp reviews gave me a good gut feeling

But fast forward three months, she's moved in with me, is still still unemployed and she had done nothing - not a single f'in thing - to secure the funds, and every time I bring it up, there is a screaming match. Which is exactly the same thing that happened every time I asked her about communicating with her mortgage company. She's just got some mental block when it comes to adulting, but I'm fucking sick and tired of watching her fail to take the easiest, most obvious steps to help herself. I'm frankly, not really even attracted to her anymore. When I brought it up again yesterday, she tells me that she has engaged someone to help, apparently for a cut...but she wont tell me who she has engaged, and apparently is being told that it's six months minimum after the cash is depositited to the county. I can't find anything about that online...

She keeps telling me to mind my own business, but she lives here for free, has no job. And after begging and fighting with her to call her mortgage and negotiate to keep her house until after it was too late, this feels like watching a train wreck.

But I'm out of energy to fight her about it. I told her tonight that I can't watch her let her fear of self-advocating fuck her over again. If she can'd do this for herself, she's no kind of partner and I'm done. I have shared custody of a now 13y/o kid who I don't want her to be a role model for unless she gets her shit toghether. So, at this point, I wonder if the right thing to do is to step in and start advodcating whether she likes it or not, even at the expense of the relationship. At least that way she has options when I ask her to move out.