In general, I think no fault is a good thing. It helps prevent people from being stuck in abusive marriages and things like that. But I feel like if I were to seek a divorce, being in a no fault state (Florida) will actively screw me.

Background: About a year ago, my wife came to a realization that she feels like she is bisexual. We looked into Ethical Non-Monogamy and after researching it and talking about it a lot, decided that if she feels like she needed to experience being with a woman she could and established some boundaries. About 2 months later, she left for the weekend to visit a woman about 2.5 hours away in GA that she'd met through Tinder and had been talking to a bunch. She came home, informed me that she's realized she's actually gay, and that we can no longer have sex, which over the next couple of days was clarified to mean any intimate touching at all. She's never said I can't touch her for any reason, but she recoils away from just sitting next to her or giving a hug. She clearly is uncomfortable with any and all touch from me for any reason.

It's been about 8 months since then. At first we thought we might could still make things work out, but at the moment the only reason I haven't asked for a divorce is because of how expensive everything would become, especially needing childcare. I feel like I will be royally fucked in a divorce. I don't think there is any scenario that either of us can afford to keep the house, which is ridiculous because we have been living here on my income alone for 8 years. But we have a 2.6% interest rate. I just used a calculator and even refinancing to a new 30 year loan at the current rates, the payment will be $160 more per month.

But, I know she's entitled to half the equity in the house and she's talked about using it a few times to buy a house with her girlfriend. If I keep the house, I have no way to pay her the equity. Plus there's the fact that she has been mostly unemployed the 18 years we've been married. She worked for about 4 years from 2013 - 2017 until our son was about a year old. She recently (in July) got a job making barely above minimum wage. There's no way I would be able to afford to pay any kind of alimony to her. Any apartment I could rent would cost more and get me way less space than the house is.

She currently says she doesn't want a divorce. She wants us to live together as co-parenting best friends. I feel like if I ask for a divorce, it will get messy really quickly. I feel like it would be viewed negatively by the court (based on my friend's experience getting a divorce a couple of years ago) to be the one asking for a divorce. There's no abuse/DV and we get along relatively well so I'd be viewed as the one breaking apart the family unit. My friend was actually in a similar situation but the court didn't take it into account at all. We had been married for 17 years before my wife came home and announced she's gay. Before that weekend, we had a pretty good relationship. We rarely had significant disagreements and we worked through them when we did. We were always doing stuff together and with the kids, building memories together. And yes, we had a fairly decent sex life still before then. We were happy.

She is basically monogamous with her girlfriend now. We are married in name only. She has caused bad separation anxiety in our youngest. She constantly worries about being left now. This never happened until she started visiting her GF in GA every other week for 3 - 5 days. Back in July, my wife was trying to come up with all these crazy ideas on how to move her GF here to Gainesville. I agreed to let her move in with us because it started to become clear that my wife would likely do something stupid if I didn't. She was obsessing over this RV for sale on FB marketplace for $14,000 and was convinced we could afford it and could part it in the back yard for her GF to live in. So her GF has been living with us for about 2 months now. I am so sick of this. I want to be able to just kick both of them out, give my wife like 75% of the money in savings, and never have to deal with it again other than parenting stuff.

I might be the one that asks for a divorce, but she left me. I have not done anything wrong. Even my wife keeps acknowledging how much this sucks for me and how unfair it is, all while not changing anything. But since this is a no fault state, none of that will be taken into account. I don't know if I have a specific question. I just feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I know everyone here will say with a lawyer, but I don't want to immediately escalate to that and I don't know how I would ever afford one anyway.