I was in an emotionally, mentally & physically abusive relationship with my (23m) ex boyfriend (23m) from July 2022 to July 2024. This was my first relationship ever so please bare with me, thank you. Without too many details I will candidly say the abuse was something he brought into the relationship and was consistent with, I have never been a violent individual or resorted to that for communication. Over the last 24 months there have been nearly two dozen physical altercations (I have defended myself in several occasions) as well as property damaged and destroyed. I am currently left with multiple large scars. (I have documented these in writing and some with pictures of my body). I have filed police reports before , one January 2024, and in Fall 2023, along with an involuntary Title XI investigation July 2023 from my university when they were made aware of a large scar on my back. Following an altercation where my ex assaulted me outside of my apartment complex June 2024, I filed again and finally proceeded with charges, without him knowing.

Before I continue, I will admit I have felt very angry and spiteful over his treatment of me, feeling broken down to something I don’t recognize has made me very vindictive but also has made me want to ultimately and finally fight for the justice I deserve. I understand my emotional turmoil has caused me to make a lot of irrational and continuously dangerous decisions that I do take accountability for but I am trying to give myself grace.

Over the course of the two months (June/July) the courts and officers were very unresponsive and I stopped pursuing active action. During this time my ex and I once again fell back enmeshed and our toxic cycle of control, manipulation and lies continued. Unbeknownst to me, the courts had filed for an arrest warrant sometime July 2024 and he was arrested the end of the month, a shock to us both. He still had no idea that I was pursuing legal action at this point. Post his release, we remained in contact and have been as toxic as ever. Some time in August 2024, I informed him I in fact did file a report. The pending case and charges became a main point of contention (as expected, I am not surprised) and tensions were high. Within the last month we have had 1 altercation where I initiated and put my hands on him. This was after a screaming match over me trying to leave, and taunting from him about infidelity, another main point of conflict. I have never hit him first before but I was at a breaking point. After the initial ‘squabble’, he continued and is quick to use objects. He sliced my face open with a rusted broom handle later and hit me with an extension cord, marking me severely. In our ‘reconciliation’ conversation, that he initiated after not allowing me to leave his apartment after our fight, he secretly recorded me admitting to hitting him first. As the trial has neared closer we have been at odds every day and our contact has come to a definite end. He has threatened to use evidence of our contact against me (Or more so for his defense) and use the recording out of context for some legal action that I’m not sure of. I’m just wondering what I should do or what realistically is going to happen?

I do want to add for context, my ex is a violent person, I didn’t know to the extent when we got together. He mentioned he fought people before over petty stuff, stuff in high school and growing up, but it never dawned on me that was his norm. He was arrested November 2022 for assaulting his roommate and spent days in Jail. (This was before any violence had ever been turned towards me, first relationship y’all I was having faith.) He was given probation I believe and the assault charge stayed on his record for a year. The roommate did not pursue heavy action for some reason I don’t recall. Honestly, I have no reason to believe the story he gave for why that played out like it did given his record of lying. Point is, this isn’t his first rodeo.

I am very self aware and I take accountability that I should have walked away long before this, I long for what my life today would be had I not given every part of me to this situation. I grew up very loved and surrounded by peace, I’ve never had any legal drama before let alone had someone be violent with me. I look the mirror and don’t recognize myself, truly. I am simply just asking realistically is there anything I could actually be charged with and is there any chance he will face any consequences? I am aware my contact with him plays a big factor in how he may walk consequence free and honestly I am making peace with that. I am moving out of the state in less than 2 months so I am not losing too much sleep about this but I have no knowledge about legal stuff at all. Thank you if you read everything, please I am still young just figuring everything out! This is also my very first reddit post aw.