I need something to happen. I've been a heavy smoker for 16 years of my life (I'm 32) and I'm not sure if it's just seasonal depression or what but I don't feel right about life all of a sudden. I have a strong desire to get high as hell and start up my addiction all over again. It's a scary thought but I also can't figure out how to snap out of this "blehness" that I'm feeling. My mind keeps reminding me of what I used to do when I would feel this way, and while it wouldn't get the job done long term, a part of me is reminiscing about how I would at least be able to be able to laugh at funny things or be invested (in the short-term) in my interests. I don't want smoking to become this obsession the way it always was, and I know I probably have very little control over if that happens or not. I just miss living the way I used to. I miss my rituals, I miss feeling comforted, and I miss enjoying aspects of my life. I'm feeling so awful lately. Talk me off this ledge friends? This is tough right now for some reason. I feel like I did when I first stopped.