Hi everyone,

352 days free of weed. I’ll make the 1 year milestone next month.

Sobriety gives you time to think. It gives you a chance to genuinely and effectively introspect; unlike all the “deep” thinking I thought I would do when I was faded out of my mind.

I’ve found cravings are volatile and unpredictable, but in my case they have faded in intensity over the months. What has remained instead is the yearning for the ways I felt weed would make me better.

What makes this complicated is that I also find that weed can make someone an unreliable narrator; it skews reality and often has you see things through rose-coloured glasses. But in my memory, during my hostel-trip around SA, weed magically helped me be more social. It feels as though maybe it helped me be more chill and not mind some of the things that would bother me about others and their behaviours.

It seemed like conversations flowed more naturally, and people weren’t as reserved or defensive in sharing or just vibing with you. Did people just trust me more because I partook in the same vice as them?

I do like to remind myself to think objectively. It could be that people just stick around me more because I had weed on me that I would share. Or that weed just lowered inhibitions (not unlike alcohol) and helped me be more social. Maybe as the inhibitions lowered, I would get less in my way about thinking of what to say or share.

In any case, I know that this isn’t a reason to ever go back to the habit. I have to give myself credit, I have been able to build friendships and some social groups in my sobriety. It just seems so much harder starting and maintaining them.

Ps: I never had an addiction to alcohol, but as I ceased any consumption of psychoactive substances, I did notice that people would seem to trust me less. I should note that I always try to make it so that people understand that abstinence is a personal choice of mine, and that I don’t judge others for partaking. But it’s like the instant I turn down a shot or a joint, the person writes me off.