I definitely feel like I'm in the minority with people who have consistently abstained but still aren't noticing too many benefits from being sober. I really miss dabbing to be honest. I did it way too much and I was absolutely addicted, but it just provided me so much dopamine that I can't seem to get anywhere else. I told myself that not needing something is better than needing it, but I'm not so sure right now. Maybe this is just my depression talking but I'm having a rough go of it right now.

My whole identity and many of my relationships revolved around getting high and I just feel very alone 6 months later. It's not even necessarily true that I'm alone, I just feel alone. All of my friends who still smoke respect my decision to not partake luckily. I feel like dabbing felt like a part of my routine, and now I don't have one anymore. I'm in sort of a unique circumstance because I'm not able to work due to my student loans being medically discharged a few years back. I can't show that I'm working for another couple of years or I will have to start paying the exorbitant monthly fee that my private loans came with again. I'm stuck. I'm lacking purpose and I can't seem to find it. I know taking a dab won't give me purpose but I feel like my brain is screaming at me that I need some sort of relief.

Everyone says exercise, but I just can't seem to get into it or make it apart of my routine. I feel like I'm basically just saying: "waahhhhhhh." I don't know. I feel like already know the advice I'm going to get and it's not what I want to hear. Ugghhh. But it will be sound advice I'm sure and I need to listen to it in order to better myself. I don't know life just feels tough right now. Just thought I'd share. I always want to encourage people to keep going on their sober journey and I feel like this post is not selling that decision well at all. I apologize for that. I think if you're reading this and thinking "yeah, I feel this way too!" Probably all the more reason to stay sober and on track. I'm just severely depressed. Wish me luck!