I know that wishing that circumstance upon me won't make it my reality, but it just makes me sad that if I'm truly honest with myself, there's no chance that I will only get high one time and break my streak for one day. Being high is so profound especially after not doing it for so long, I know I will yearn it again and be right back in the mindset of "well I already broke my streak, may as well get some oil for myself." It will be easy to lie to myself if I have that high, addict fogginess sloshing around my brain.

It just makes me sad, because I really want to again. I miss smoking my water pipe. It's been really tough for me now that it's nice outside to yearn to hang outdoors and fire up. I keep just reminding myself of the reality: it's going to lead me to places/mindsets that I don't want to be. But idk how much longer my long-term goals will be able to outweigh my short term ones. It feel like my short-term gratification mindset is slowly eroding my long-term mindset. It's really hard not to want to roll my eyes when I repeat the phrase "one day at a time" to myself when I think about refraining from dabbing.

It's just a sad existence. I guess that is what addiction is.