I've been smoking daily for 2 yrs. started when I was 23 and I am now 25. Before that it was always social smoking where I would get the giggles and it was all fun.

I used to be this outgoing,funny,laid back person. I could walk in the room and make friends with everyone. I was the class clown in high school. Life was great up until I met my ex BF. After that I smoked on a daily basis and it all went downhill. I started having social anxiety. I gained hella weight and my self esteem is non existent (could be my weight gain). Now a days when I smoke I get all these negative thoughts in my head where I think everyone is judging me. Anytime I talk I feel like anything I say sounds dumb. I have a hard time putting sentences together and forget some words. I also have no memory, at time I can barely recall what I walked in a room for or if I'm feeding my dog I forget what I was doing mid process. I hate it. I was never like this. I was always sharp and was the brains of the family. My relationship with my family is also affected. Half the time I'm quiet and have nothing to say. Almost as if I'm lazy to talk. This is also when I'm not high. Will I ever be the person I used to be? I'm now on day 2 of being sober and holy hell I've had some vivid dreams. I used to be able to have lucid dreams anytime I wanted to. I'm hoping I can get that back too.

R/leaves has helped me find the strength to finally quit and I'm very thankful for each one of you that posts your emotions and your struggles. Makes me realize I'm not alone in this.