I am 30 years old and I’ll never forget starting and how magical it felt to get high with my friends back when I was 18. But over time it became so much more than a little fun, it rapidly sapped me of my focus, short term memory, my confidence, my self control, and my ability to learn new things and handle stress. It became a daily habit and a dependency. I am getting over the shame I feel of all of the poor decisions I made and lack of direction.

It feels I was wasting my life just trying to feel comfortable. What also alarmed me was making basic mistakes at work from lack of focus, constantly feeling drained of energy, not having a direction and everything feeling meaningless. I remember writing sentences with missing words and typos more and more, or reading something and missing half of it. My love for reading and books disintegrated and I dropped out of college.

This is a new beginning for me and even though this is very challenging, there is no going back for me. It’s slowly getting better, and anyone who is out there, have patience with yourself and take it day by day. There is better for us as we reset our brains and recover. I have great shame I damaged my relationships in life, even with those closest to me that I love.