I am still struggling with my addiction to cannabis. I am 13 months sober from booze (going strong). Weed keeps finding a way to re enter my life and wreck everything. I lack self control and impulse control. I thought one hit wouldn’t hurt. A few months later, I’ve gained all the weight I lost. Today, I majorly messed up a dream job interview that should have been a lay-up. My relationship with friends and family are hanging by a thread since I frequently miss phone calls and plans due to my problem. I am also more dull/lifeless during social situations. I have lost my motivation to achieve my goals. I am a complete degenerate wreck due to weed.

Today, I decided to re-quit for the 47394739th time. At this point, I’ve lost confidence in my ability to successfully stay off it. I hate myself. I wish I was never born. I wear headphones in public transport in my city hoping to get stabbed from behind. I’ve stopped looking both ways while crossing roads so I get run over. So that my friends and parents won’t feel betrayed if I do the job myself.

I want the strength to quit. I want to build my life back up and achieve my goals. I wish I didn’t tank that super easy job interview. I would have gotten the job that I wanted.

Sorry if this seems a little too ranty/unfocused. But I’m at my wit’s end. Thank you for reading this.

I wish everyone in this sub the strength to fight their demons.

EDIT:

Wow I feel so blessed and grateful for all the wonderful comments here. I love everyone who commented here. It really means a lot. My social circle consists of people who "party" a lot so I don't have that support system. When I posted here, I just wanted an outlet to vent but after all going through all these comments, I feel reinvigorated.

Yesterday I quit weed for the last time. I got this. And so do all of you! Take care. Stay strong!