I'm not active in this community anymore but the first couple months y'all really dragged me through it. This place showed me that it's okay to fail and try 6, 7, 8 times, that all my symptoms were normal, and that I won't feel like that forever. The community really helped me push through.

I almost relapsed on my birthday in June, I thought I'd allow myself one "cheat day". Then, on the day itself, I was dreading going to the dispensary. I didn't wanna do it, it didn't sound like fun to me. The last time I smoked ended in a massive panic attack that was probably bordering psychosis, I don't want to take that risk anymore.

I've started intensive psychotherapy, to deal with all the terrible childhood memories that began to surface once I laid the joint down. I can handle conflict a lot better and my therapist believes that if I keep at it, soon I won't qualify for my personality disorder diagnosis anymore. The weed was reallyyy fuelling my paranoia and stopping me from pausing and keeping the other person in mind. It had completely shut me off from my emotions and empathy. So of course it was a lot when it all came back after years, but I'm SO happy I don't feel like an alien anymore.

Next week, I'll have a job interview for a position at a center for people with mental illness and substance abuse issues. They only hire people that are working from personal experience that have either overcome their issue or found a way to live with it. The fact that I've "levelled up" so to speak where my story sounds good enough to them that they might want to hire me, is blowing my mind!!! I've OVERCAME STUFF! I'm not a waste of space stoner, I have a value for this organisation because I decided to make some good decisions and I actually succeeded. It might sound silly but that is absolutely mind blowing to me, as I was convinced I'd never amount to anything. Now, someone might want to hire me off personal experience and overcoming alone. That's so cool imo.

Through them, hopefully, I can get the education to become a social worker, and help other people that are in a similar spot that I used to be. Y'all, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of this without the hope this sub brought me.

I mean, there's loads more. I've attempted to make friends in my area, and some of them actually stuck around. I'm better at telling my parents (or anyone for that matter) how I really feel, because now I can actually feel what I feel, and do so in a respectful manner. I've gotten the courage to stick up for myself instead of just taking everything and then going home to smoke the stress and violation of boundaries away.

I don't know what else to say because I don't want to sound preachy. When I first started out, I just wanted to try a month. Give it that month. Then that turned to 3 months, to 6, to a year. I was actually going to smoke here and there after the year, but I don't want to risk it anymore now there's a potential career on the line. Now that I have plans with friends, a cat to take care of. There are so many better things to enrich your life with, and yes you will start enjoying them after a few weeks or months. Good luck and thank you all 💗