The 4 year wait, to be precise, since coming out as bisexual in November 2018, and as lesbian earlier this year.

I ended the 4 month situationship with a newly bisexual woman where we only kissed twice in that time. I loved it at first as the awkward slow burn queer romance I never had as a teenager (see my post history). But I learned that I am 35 and decidedly not a teenager anymore. There is nothing wrong with expecting a smooch at the end of a date, there is nothing wrong with wanting to escalate physical intimacy with someone, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be sexual with them either. If they are feeling "too tired" to even hug me at the beginning of a date, or "too overwhelmed" by the pace, and tell me as such, these will be my cues to gently disengage, instead of giving them more space and minimizing myself and my needs in the process. We are all on our own journeys, but I do know what I want and it's okay.

Every woman I've been with, we have lacked a certain level of chemistry I've been dreaming of. I've had some great experiences, but not the level of passion where you feel truly ravished and exhausted.

So. I got out of the slow lane and back on the motorway, so to speak. She's in her mid-forties and she had me with her 2 opening lines on her dating app profile saying "Very experienced dom with a long and distinguished record of Applied Lesbian Practice. I always know exactly what to do."

We went for a lunchtime walk last Wednesday in the park. She greeted me with a hug. We spent an hour walking and talking about all kinds of things. She's autistic too, like me, and I found myself feeling very comfortable talking with her. She's always been a lesbian, never been with men, but was very curious and interested in my coming out story and sexual evolution into lesbianism. But since we were wearing big coats and walking side by side, there was no flirting between us and I honestly had no idea how things might progress.

She asked me many questions, as I did her, and I was able to be really honest with her and share some of my insecurities upfront, and I am so proud of myself for that. Because I didn't do that at all with the last woman I dated. She was so caring, and shared that she would immediately like "to rectify" a particular issue I had where I couldn't remember the last time a woman went down on me for more than a couple of minutes.

Clearly, I did not need to worry about the lack of flirting. She was interested in me. We parted ways with a hug again, and I was very intrigued as to what would happen next, and how.

She messaged me after the meet up, and asked whether I was interested in her or just wanted to be friends? I said she strikes me as someone who, like me, has a lot of friends already and given the context in which we met via the app, I am not interested in being just friends. I also shared that she seems to possess very kissable lips, just to be sure. She was delighted.

The next day, we had a half hour phone call to talk more about our next meet up, because she wanted me to come over to her place soon, and she wanted me to have some time to think about what we discuss, come up with some ideas too if I want to, or change my mind on some things if I need that too. I've never moved this fast before, but based on what she asked me in that call about our upcoming time together, I just knew I would have a great time with her.

I was right. Oh boy, was I right. The way she was with me, she was in total admiration of every part of my body and thoroughly enjoyed herself. I felt so desired, relaxed and comfortable. My body came alive for her in a way I've rarely experienced before, but this time - for hours. She checked in with me often and really brought out the best in me. I left her house with my make-up completely gone from my face (and not from me washing it off myself), and I was pretty sure people next to me on the subway could probably smell her scent on me. It was so passionate and wild, I have barely been able to stop thinking about it.

We've already made plans to see each other again. She said that there are "fortunately" many, many more things we can do together. And I cannot wait!

When one door closes, another one opens... Have hope, my friends! You will get there.