I have a silly little question. Basically I’m just looking for some confirmation of what I already know and some reassurance.

When I used to date men, I often found that they jumped to using pet names very quickly. Like, on dating apps, within a few messages they would be calling me beautiful/sweetheart/baby/etc. It made me so uncomfortable, both for personal this is weird reasons and for general this has infantalizing implications reasons, and every single time it happened, they turned out to be bad matches for me. Not specifically due to the pet names, but it was the first sign.

Now that I’m trying to date women, I’ve noticed a similar thing happening, where they move very quickly into the pet name stage and want to text as though we’re in a committed relationship and have established that this is acceptable. Think “good morning beautiful” texts and the like. And this is within a day of exchanging messages, before we’ve even spoken by voice or on video or met in person.

I find it so deeply off-putting and uncomfortable, and I never reciprocate, but it’s also extremely difficult for me to set boundaries for myself, so I usually just let it continue on their part and gradually fade out of the conversation. I’m trying to develop better and kinder habits these days, though, for myself and for others, and so I’m thinking maybe speaking up about it is in order instead. But I don’t know what’s an appropriate way to bring it up and what’s too harsh. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel self-conscious about their communication style. I would appreciate any and all thoughts y’all might have on this.

And, I know this part is absurd, but it keeps making me second guess my sexuality. Like if I’m not immediately down for pet names and over-familiar texts from women, maybe that’s a sign that I’m not really into them. This is ridiculous, right? It’s just a personal preference thing, not indicative of my lack of attraction? I can still be into women in a gay way even if I don’t want to engage with them in this way?

I’m also demisexual, as a side note, and I think this contributes to the issue.