Hi,

I been part of LBL for a few years now but rarely post.. I’ll give a brief backstory for context, I am separated from my husband (my best friend) and have been dating women for a little over a year.

Last night I met with an old acquaintance to catch up on life. She was a friend of my husband and I and wanted to hear what happened with us and be there for us. She is queer as well and usually is very open minded.

After explaining why we separated, she explained that she believes attraction and falling in love are things we have control over. She believes being gay is a choice (granted she thinks it’s completely fine to choose it) but that who we feel attracted to is al in our mind and heart and who we decide to open it to. And if we are not attracted, it’s because we closed our heart to the potential.

This conversation had me spiraling all night. I was with my husband/ best friend for 7 years. I love him with all of my heart and I’ve tried absolutely everything that I’m aware of to feel that attraction/ in love feeling with him. I didn’t feel it in the beginning and I could not make myself feel it for years. But now I feel like its my fault. I didn’t try hard enough to open my heart to him.

I am not saying she is right. But I’m spiraling over the idea that she might be. My family also believes sexuality is a choice. And I just feel like I have deluded myself this whole time in thinking that there was a reason for the way I was feeling, rather than creating it myself. The way I’ve felt being with women is not how I’ve felt with him. But am I causing this??

I’m sorry if a vent is inappropriate for this subreddit but I really want to hear some of your ladies’ opinions on this subject.

Thanks!!