I’ve been wrestling with my sexuality for at least the last two years. There’s something in me that clicked hard when I read the Master Doc. I remember just crying and going “oh no oh no” quietly to myself when I read it because I just…kind of knew.

But I’ve been with my husband for a full quarter of my life. He’s seen me through everything—illness, childhood trauma, new jobs, cross country moves, rescuing our dog, everything that builds a life together. My knowledge about my sexuality felt so much more certain before I had to get to this point I’m in now.

I’ve tried coming out twice and we’re at the edge of the cliff, that “shit or get off the pot” moment. He’s asked me to really think, be sure, and if so, divorce. And I’m frozen. He left with our dog while I work on figuring things out and I keep getting cold feet. Maybe I don’t have to be gay? Maybe I’m making a massive mistake? How could I hurt this person I promised to take care of and love forever? How can I do this? I am breaking his heart and breaking my own for a possibility. The idea that I’m causing him so much pain is overwhelming. I can’t sleep in our bed. I can’t stand to be around myself right now.

I could really use some support.