I have always considered myself straight. I messed around with a friend when I was around 11 or so, but that was the only experience with another female I had ever had. I got with my husband when I was 16, had 2 kids, and had been living in an ok relationship ever since. It had really begun to feel like roommates though. Last year I started hanging around a lesbian friend and ended up in an affair with her. I told my husband and we split in January. I have been with her ever since.

I am pretty confused for the most part. I don't necessarily care if I am categorizing myself as gay, bi, or whatever, I just feel like a moron for not realizing sooner. How could I have never realized I was gay or bi? I spent 17 years of my life with a man. I always knew in my mind that I wouldn't stay with him much longer after the kids were grown, but I felt like it was because he had cheated with close friends of mine early on and we had just become incompatible, never questioning my sexuality.

I am attracted to masculine women and there aren't a lot of those in my area, so maybe I just never saw a woman I was attracted to - to make me realize? Maybe I am not really straight, gay, bi, etc....maybe I just love my girlfriend?

Below are some things I realize now that may have been clues, but just feel so stupid for not getting the hint LOL. Or things I feel now that are also confusing.

• I always thought gay people were sooooo cool. I knew all the bullshit they had to deal with being openly gay and just thought they must be a super cool and confident person to not care what other people think of them.
• I remember saying at a young age that I would get with a man just to be able to have kids, but then he would have to go LOL
• I dress feminine and do my nails and makeup, but definitely have a more masculine personality if that makes sense. I like to do stuff that a lot of women say they need a man for. Makes me feel like a badass. :-)
• I never hated sex with men, but always wondered what was wrong that I never enjoyed it as much as others. I cannot get enough of my girlfriend now. I want sex with her ALL the time!
• I still don't really feel attracted to females though. I am super attracted to my girlfriend, but I can't think of one other female I would want to have sex with, but also not many butch women around here.
• I have said several times in my life "God, I HATE men! If I was attracted to females I would switch sides in a minute" but never actually thought about sex with a woman.
• When I realized my girlfriend was into me sexually, I was terrified about going down on her or anything like that, but once we were in bed I was totally comfortable.
• I never had desire to explore much sexually with my husband. It was pretty much missionary and get it over with. I would always rather get him off with my hand or mouth than to have sex with him. With my girlfriend I am SO comfortable. I pretty much have zero inhibitions with her, I will let her do whatever she wants to me :-)

I guess I just really want yall's opinions/comments. I love my girlfriend and I am happier than ever. I just can't wrap my head around it for the most part.