Ugh. Went through a millions trains of thought all week. When I realized I'm probably a lesbian (after 2.5 years of no sex with my husband), it felt like a big sunny window opening with a way out. But then I realized through talking to folks on here that I don't want that to just be my escape hatch and there are still so many other issues as to why I feel done. Like I thought about if I come out to him and he accepts it (which he likely will) and we want to continue living together with our kids but just become platonic and date separately... Ideally that sounds nice but then I thought about it and living with him is most of the problem. I don't get tired of being around him, but I hate his house/chore habits. We just don't mesh anymore.

So I got the courage to bring all this up, without mentioning the sexuality piece (except to say "seriously what if I never want to have sex with you again? Don't you want to be with someone who wants to actually touch you?") and the conversation went how it always does. For me it felt relationship changing to bring this up and for him it was just another fight where I "don't see him" and we can figure out how to work on this.

Next morning he acts like nothing is wrong and all the same messy bs around the house is getting to me and now I just feel stuck. Like no matter what I say, he's going to think we can work through it. Do I tell him I think I'm a lesbian now? We are looking for a therapist and maybe just found one with availability so that'll help. But I almost feel like I have to be mean and cruel in order to end it if that's what I decide. Have I decided? UGH this is so hard and confusing