Just as i was getting my hopes up, a lot more cautiously too, another has left the building.

I seem to have this undeniable record of chasing people away without even trying 😝 I’d write a book, ‘how to lose friends and alienate people’ if i knew what the hell I’m doing wrong. Or not doing enough of or too much of or whatever the fuck is going on in this universe. 10 women I’m chatting today, that’s a record for me. Just chatting, last week a couple week before about the same, but today i was kind of hopeful. Boom. Friended on another platform before lunch, gone before dinner. Am I a disease or what ! Haa !

Seriously it’s been nice having others to chat with and know that I’m not alone in this world but no one is setting records in loser department like me. I’m even open for change, some, if i knew what was what. And yet as i write, i feel that dark cloud of despair begin to cast its shadow of pain and heartache over my life once again.

I’m going to pull the plug now. I’m not getting back to anyone else and deleting everything. Again. I just can’t do this anymore. I cannot have my heart broken any more. I really can’t. I’m not even angry like last weekend. I’m just done. Exhausted. My soul is saying stop, please, for your sanity. But my loneliness calls, haunts me, and now has its grip so tight, i fear I’ll never know love or anything close to it again.

Why live if there is no hope. This life sucks.

I hope everyone I’ve chatted with finds their place, their tribe, their love and light. I’m done. My heart is not able to handle this, this utter soul consuming sadness………….i I just don’t understand. All i want is to be loved. And give love.

F