So, I'm poly and I have a girlfriend besides my wife. Both my wife and girlfriend are monogamous. After years of resigning myself to be mono for the sake of my marriage I was unhappy and after a lot of discussion my wife accepted me being polyamorous. After setting some ground rules I was allowed to sleep or date anyone as long as I didn't violate our rules (which I won't detail since it's not important to this story.) For three years, I've been living the polyam lifestyle and until last year I decided I was ready to date again.

I have always been upfront with the girl before we even started dating as we've been friends for nine years. I was hesitant to date another monog person because I know dating a poly person isn't for everyone. She told me she accepted me as I am and also my marriage. I had told her numerous times that I do love my wife and that our marriage is strong.

We've been dating for 8 months now, and lately she's been getting possesive. I had agreed to not date anyone else and to only be with her and my wife. A few days ago she asked me if I would be willing to leave my wife for her. I told her that I had no reason to divorce my wife because I love her as much as I love her (the gf.)

She didn't like that response. I'm torn because I truly do love her, but I also knew that at some point I would have to set her free. She says she loves me and doesn't want to break up but she wishes we were exclusive. I know the right answer is to break up, I really do but I just love her so much. I don't want to be forced to choose one lover over the other. However, I don't want to keep her from finding someone that will give her what she truly wants which is marriage and kids. I know I shouldn't have dated her in the first place once I knew her dream was to get married. She kept convincing me otherwise whenever I suggested we should break up so she could find someone she didn't have to share unlike me.

I guess this is it for our relationship.

Has anyone gone thru a similar situation?