As a last ditch effort to “give me what I want,” my husband has said he’d consider opening our relationship for me to date women. I’ve read in this sub SO many times that this doesn’t work, and I am not eager to try. I’m not really sure if he’s offering it as a way to get me to stay, or as a way to let me explore and know for sure - knowing full well that I could leave if those relationships prove to be more in alignment with my identity. If it were the latter, I might selfishly consider it, but I believe he’s truly just in the bargaining phase. I do admire ethical non-monogamy and have been interested in it, but my husband has always been monogamous. He doesn’t have the emotional tools to deal with the complexity of ENM and he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. And I just don’t have romantic feelings towards him anymore, so opening the relationship isn’t going to change that.

Even though my mind is pretty made up that I need to leave, we’ve agreed to stay together through the end of the year. I’ve told him I am considering leaving, and given his abandonment issues it’s huge that he’s agreed to stay engaged in the relationship until I’m in a better head space to make a final decision.

Existing in this limbo absolutely sucks, but I’m hoping we can have more discussions between now and then that will help this result in a softer landing for both of us. He may not be able to believe that I’m not doing this to hurt him, but I’m willing to do almost anything short of staying to help him understand.

Edit for clarity: though the offer of ENM is tempting, I don’t want to pursue ENM in this relationship. I recognize that ENM is not how you save a dying (not shitty, but dying) relationship. I’m just talking through where we’re at, which includes working through why ENM isn’t a good fit for us.