Step one of leaving my husband, if I’m going to leave, is to find housing. We live in a really small home that he owned prior to meeting me. There’s no spare bedroom or even pullout couch for me to sleep on, so I feel like I have to have a place lined up if I’m going to leave him. I have many close friends in town (no family), but I can’t think of anyone I could live with temporarily either. I know he wouldn’t try to kick me out. He’d probably offer to sleep on our tiny love seat for weeks while I find a place because he’s just that good of a guy, but I don’t want to do that to either of us.

I’ve had the massive privilege in not renting in over a decade (prior to moving in with him my housing was always included with employment). I knew the rental market was bleak but, damn, I was not fully prepared for how bad it is (especially with a 60# dog who is absolutely 100% coming with me.)

I came out to him as questioning a few weeks ago, and we’ve been slowly talking through it. He knows there’s a possibility of me leaving, but still thinks we can work on it.

So, what’s shittier: tell him I’m leaving now and put us both in limbo until I can find housing, or kind of string him along while I try to find a place before I tell him I’m leaving? I’m almost always on the side of honesty, but Both feel pretty cruel.

I’m also delaying because I’m recovering from a minor concussion (lots of headaches with fits of extreme emotional disregulation) and because it’s my busy season at work. I usually have a bit of an emotional crisis in December due to work, and it’s already been extra stressful this year. It just doesn’t feel like a great time to make a major life altering decision, but I also feel like I’m lying to him every moment we’re together. I want to be more emotionally honest with him, but that’s never been a strength for us.

Tl;dr your girl is a hot mess!