I am married to a woman and we have a baby. I have always been in denial about my sexual orientation… when I first watched porn, I was attracted to men’s bodies. I wasn’t going crazy for girls and at that time I was in India. (I am Indian who no longer lives in India) then I got into the fetish/kinky side. I watched a lot of “sissy hypnosis and feminisation” porn. I was constantly fighting and saying to myself it’s just for masturbation… I used to look at naked men and also joined a local gay forum on the internet and was looking at pics they post, the topics they discuss, etc. I wasn’t courageous enough to meet people in real life even though some approached me. I lost virginity with a girl at 24 and it wasn’t good as I could not hold erection. Finally at 25, I built courage and started meeting men for hookups (only oral) and every time I said to myself that it’s just a phase. Then out of the blue a friend of mine (a girl) confessed they have sexual interest towards me. I really like touching her breasts but I couldn’t have sex as I wasn’t confident enough. Then I started dating a girl, I found her face pretty but it was hard getting erected for her… finally had sex and we had sex during weekends for a few months… I was getting better at it but I wasn’t going crazy or did not feel the arousal/rush, etc. We broke up and I met a few guys (again only oral)… one of the guy I met twice… we clicked so well and i started developing feeling for him but unfortunately we couldn’t meet again… then I met a woman who was extremely into me. I being insecure I really liked her attention and now we are married and have a baby. Everyday I think I missed out the opportunities to explore more with men. For the last few months I am exclusively masturbating to men and started seeing a therapist. If anyone is interested to chat, please message me as I am looking for online friends. Thank you.