This is going be a lot of information but I'll try my best to sum it up. At the beginning of this year I experienced a shift. I decided I could no longer be unhappy, dishonest or fake. I started being honest with myself and others. Part of this honesty included the fact that I cheated on my boyfriend, got pregnant and wasn't sure who's it was. I convinced myself she was his because I wanted her to be so badly. Results came in, she's not his. He still wants to be her father but verbally says he doesn't want to be with me. We still live together. His actions says he still loves me but when I question our relationship he says it's over. He respects me for telling him and now or relationship has evolved to where we are sending each other a lot of energy. We don't have to say anything anymore because we both feel everything. I am so used to being physical/clingy with him and now my desire to have sex physically has dissipated. My desire to show affection for self indulgence is also decreasing rapidly. I know he still loves me and I feel that. However, I keep questioning where our relationship stands. I also keep thinking I'm crazy because since I started on this path I've been evaluating every tiny thing I do. I feel like each decision has its own set of consequences and if I don't make the right one then I mess with my fate and synchronicity. When I fail I beat myself up and lose all hope. Usually the next day I have the desire to start over and do it right. There is a freedom and peace in this but I'm also going nuts because I keep thinking I have the power to make my relationship work despite what happened. But really, I think I need to let go of all expectations and just see what happens naturally. I'm having a very hard time letting go, letting myself experience all these feelings without reacting to them. I'm also taking Wellbutrin which seems to help me but now I'm wondering if it's putting a barrier between my self and my soul/spirit. Whew, thanks for reading. :) I appreciate any help/advice.