Good day everyone, I came across this subreddit on my quest for comfort and in hopes of sharing my story. My father age 69 has been diagnosed with end stage renal disease, his kidney functionality test shows 8%. His creatinine level is at 10.7 His blood count is at a 7. He has lost of appetite, has trouble sleeping and also has restless leg syndrome. I have two sisters, we are all round the clock caring for him. Dad was given the option of dialysis or he wouldn't have much time left. Dad has chose the option of "not much time left." The reason for this is 15 years ago, my mother, his wife was also diagnosed with end stage renal disease and due to the health system here at the time (3rd world country) the quality of life of a patient on dialysis was extremely poorly and at the time my sisters and I were children and dad had to watch our mother, the love of his life suffer until she died. She was on dialysis and lived for 3 years while on dialysis and due to issues with blood clots she was unable to be on dialysis and within 4 days she passed. The health system here has improved some, but not much I am afraid. Getting into the public heath system for dialysis is a long wait and coupled with corruption is it difficult with getting a spot. Public health care is free, but the wait is the problem. 15 years ago mom did dialysis 3 times a week and each session cost us out of pocket 800$. I have memories of it all, the lack of money, the lack of having my mother around and of dad being busy as he was working to make the money to keep her alive, so caring for mom fell onto my siblings and I . Now I am having to relive it all with dad. Due to him not wanting to see anymore doctors we are unsure of how much time we have left with him. My sisters and I are running on shifts when caring for him, which means a lack of sleep and a lack of anything personal, but my father has parented us so well that we are now clamoring to be there for him, each of us putting aside our daily lives for him and very much glad to do it. I am scared, because all my life I have been a "daddy's girl." Dad has been my best friend, the one I go to when I need advice, the one I openly talk to about everything, the one who has always been in my corner. It is heart breaking to see him deteriorate. Dad is supposed to be invincible, he's suppose to be superman. I have come to realise that is not the case and if my father can potentially die then anyone can. My mother and I were not close due to her illness as I was more a carer for her than a daughter, but with dad, I am his daughter first and his carer after. I have not tried to deter his decision as this is what he wants (I have asked him multiple times) . I have offered my kidney to him and he has refused. I am heartbroken. I fear going to sleep when I get the chance to, afraid that if I sleep I wouldn't be there when he leaves this world. I want to be there when he does leave, as he was there the moment I came into the world and has never left my side. As of yesterday a rash has broken out on his arms and I don't want to google what it means, but I've seen it on my mom, so I have an idea. This entire illness has made my faith in God be shaken, as I am angry with him. I am angry that it is this particular illness, I am angry that dad is in discomfort, I am angry that dad has been a good man, a god fearing man, a man who prays and reads his bible daily and this has happened to him.