The headspace can only be accessed on ket but not adequately remembered when sober. You forget what you are getting yourself in for, in many ways, until you are back in. Does anyone know what I mean by that?

It's like I will have some ketamine but dont quite know why. I remember enjoying being high on ket but it's not until after it hits that the old de ja vu kicks in. Oh fuck its this again isn't it? Shit. Nobody prepared me for this. You did though didn't you? When you sniffed the powder you fuck wit. You had some kind of idea this might happen? Didn't you? Didn't you?

But the answer in many ways is no. I had no fucking idea what I was in for. But then on ket it all feels familiar again but I have no idea why. Because I can't fucking remember it adequately between trips. Where's the familiarity coming from?