I've been using K once or twice a month. I notice it opens my mind and allows me to see things without all the obsessive rules and anxieties. My eating disorder has gotten more severe the past month. My workouts have gotten long, painful and exhausting. I'm struggling to do them in moderation. I don't want to describe what I see when I look in the mirror because it's very bad.

So I decided to use K a few nights ago. At first I didn't feel much, so I used more. I started to feel my depression lifted, and I looked in the mirror and for the first time in years, I saw someone beautiful. Then almost instantly, my experience changed. I could feel the higher dose setting in. I looked in the mirror and saw someone I did not recognize. Someone ugly, old, worthless, fat, etc. Instead of positive, more open, accepting and forgiving thoughts, it was the exact opposite, and it was incredibly powerful. It was as if I finally saw myself for who I really am--a monster.

I laid in bed and tried to listen to my favorite music. But I had taken too much K, and I felt all reality slip away. There was no sense of self vs. "other." There was no beginning or end. My entire existence was obliterated and the millions of tiny parts that make me "me" had exploded apart like the "big bang" that made the universe. I thought I was going to die, or maybe had already. I tried to make sure I was breathing, but I couldn't feel myself take any breaths. It was the most terrifying experience I've ever had.

Fortunately, it wore off in a couple hours, but I am still very shaken. And I can't help but wonder--does ketamine make you see the truth since it causes your brain to be more open? Was I really seeing reality when I saw myself the way I did? I can't get the image out of my brain. It was so powerful and it seemed so accurate. Or did I just use way too much, and the monster I saw was not "real?"

TL/DR: Does Ketamine cause you to see things more accurately?