No i’m not talking about ketamine therapy, this has definitely been the weirdest experience with drugs i’ve ever had with drugs so i’ll recount each experience i had with ketamine so you guys can have a clear idea how this effected me or maybe relate.

Background: Around 8 months ago I had an awful experience with lsd however this was not psychosis but included thought and action loops and grabbing random items around me and saying their names. I only ever saw 3 other story’s after searching very hard for them and those people also consisted of the exact same symptoms. The full story may be accessible through my previous posts. After this experience i never felt the same, i had a long depressive period and had a huge depersonalisation. Certain emotions such as anxiety were almost broken, for example i would get physical anxiety but feel mentally fine. I had awful concentration and possible ptsd over the trip. After this i had tried ketamine with friends however low doses and no crazy experiences.

While sleeping round with friends we had (each) roughly 5 drinks and various shots each and afterwards i felt completely sober, after this we each shared a spliff and only after this all the alcohol hit and i quickly got the spins, i layer threw up (not a crazy amount) out of the window. Earlier that day i bought about a 0.8 of ketamine and decided after i felt better to take a bump. I had large euphoria and had some visual symptoms however knew it was not smart to have much ketamine after this and stopped at a low dose.. but yet nothing changed.

Three days later i decided to have a trip and use more ketamine. However this trip was different, i had 0 euphoria and instead full empathic feelings. I started feeling bad for my parents, what if they knew what i was doing at that moment.. I had extreme guilt and having no euphoria made this guilt worse it was as if broken receptors thag worked on this emotion were being cleared.. (however i know this likely makes no sense scientifically). This was a crazy experience as i felt so disconnected from myself and in one word i felt like i had a drug that made me weird.

one day later at night i decided that it was ok to have a few more bumps, i had one bump up each nostril however had a great time. extreme euphoria however had no more and no visual symptoms.

one day later i had a single bump during the day for fun while out however 0 mental symptoms but physically i was disoriented. Later that night I decided to take as much as i could through all methods i could other than injection (in attempt to k hole). i had extreme euphoria and felt at peace with myself. i finally felt comfortable. All the cogs in my mind were turning and finally at full speed. I felt comfortable being me and even though i was desperate to be higher i was able to accept i had used everything.

Over the next few days i realised i felt “fixed” i had anxiety and in a good way! I could make fully functional decisions and felt comfortable desicions. I had no emotions i didnt previously have but i felt happy. I felt normal.

I have no clue if i even should try ketamine again and if after being fixed it’s even worth it. After all i don’t need it. I really hope you all can read this and hopefully ny previous post to see how bad this was for me. Is this what ketamine does? i wish i had better recollection with higher detail but sadly my memory was not as good as it is after experience. But as some final words i’d like you all to know this is REAL and this all genuinely happened there is no doubt in my mind that ketamine caused this and i’d like to know any and all personal experiences.

(sorry for the long post :(. )