Apologies in advance for the story time if it’s boring or too scattered (I tried my best)

I started using K about a year and some change ago. Used to use with my friend (weed/psych/MDMA dealer) at the time and since he was the only one with the plug, I always had to wait until he decided to order it for us.

My first experience with K was a little unconventional as I didn’t even know what it was at the time. I had only heard about the horse tranquilizer jokes from kids in highschool/media/ Queer Community.

Anyways, I came over my friend’s place because he had just purchased the M I was begging to try. However, I had heard about Molly and I knew I had wanted to try it since I was probably in the middle school age, so I was extremely excited and the anticipation to finally roll was killing me.

We said our “hellos” and once we both walked to his room, about a gram of pre-crushed K was sitting on his desk. I asked for the M I paid for and he had grinned at me and said:

“If you want the Molly sooner, you gotta do the Ketamine I just got in.”

Long story short, I didn’t need much convincing, as I kinda trusted him and I was interested on how a decent dose would feel.

Of course, that was stupid in retrospect & tbh I was extremely depressed and isolated during that period. His descriptions of the effects were all just carefully picked anecdotal Reddit posts so, it seemed like it was like an extra brownie added to my icecream sundae.

He had already weighed out the (3) 100mg lines onto the table and my first line was completed, besides a one-time bump of Kanna, this was the first time I had actually taken a line of a drug or even seen a line of one in person.

We waited 15 minutes after I did the first line. I felt a little creep-up of what I now know to be the wonky effects. But since it wasn’t hitting me that hard —(again, I didn’t know shit about how the dosaging would work and he didn’t know much of how it actually affected someone else in person) — he just said :

“You’ll get the Molly faster if you just take the last two lines now!!!”

So I did. The K-hole lasted about 30 minutes, the wonky effects followed me into my comeup of MDMA. What I didn’t know at the time was how addictive the feeling of depersonalization felt. I had conditioned myself to do it during the majority of my childhood and late teenage years, but this, this feeling was control and bliss to me.

After the experience and after he had tried it, we both swore we’d limit our usage, purchasing a gram and blowing it together every month.

Unfortunately, we both got more comfortable with it after about 4 months of controlled usage, and since nobody else we knew was doing it, we fed off of eachother’s glee from the happiness and started mixing it with our Acid/Shroom trips.

Then it was cocaine, my other new source of security and when we figured out we could could mix them both together, it became a surreal sensation. I felt balanced, at least, I convinced myself of that.

Around October, went to a festival and me and my other two friends bought 4Gs each for the 4 days we’d be there, ended up running out on the 3rd night so we all begrudgingly got more.

After the festival, I finally had a plug. I finally could keep this bliss going and if I was getting too much, I would of course have the sensibility to take a break so I wouldn’t lose the magic.

Today, I’ve finally reached 2 weeks clean from cocaine and ketamine after 8 months of weekly and even daily usage. For the past 8 months, I went from 0.5Gs every 3-4weeks, to 1-2.5Gs every week (roughly .5G every 2-3 days). I’d alternate usually every other week between coke and K and some weeks I couldn’t just pick one 🥲.

My nose is kinda fucked a little, my bladder is doing better, the brain fog is gradually but slowly lifting. But the unique bliss I know to solely belong to K, is becoming suddenly nostalgic, but I know I have to at least stay clean for 2-3 months if I ever even want to think of going back. And I probably won’t have possession of it as I know it’s safest to give it to a friend to hold onto.

I’m happier today, it’s been a really tough couple of weeks, not just because of the addictive thoughts but also the financial, health, and educational pressures happening in my life. I don’t want to go back to addiction but I don’t want to cut K out of my life entirely. I know I need allot of time and probably to go back to therapy as well. But if you’re struggling right now or feeling guilty from a relapse, remember that you matter enough to respect your body and you deserve to heal. You’re going to get through this time and the success you deserve can be achieved. <3

Sorry if this was all over the place. Stay safe :D