Long story short: my roomate is an asshole to me and I had to cover his rent more than once. I decided that I don’t deserve to be treated like this considering I had to pay his rent for him. He’s been living with me for about a year now so I can’t just kick him out and I have to get an eviction notice which can take up to 6 months.

In the meantime, my cousin is helping me pay the rent and sleeping in our living room bc my roomate refuses to give up his room even tho he’s not paying rent anymore.

I started using ket on the weekends back in January. I’ve been able to to take breaks from ket before this with no issues, but as of April this year, this whole situation has me so messed up that I find myself using a lil bit of ket to calm myself down when I my emotions get too high. It’s been a very powerful tool for avoiding self-harm for me.

However, this week I feel out of control. I don’t want to be anywhere around him anymore and even hearing his voice makes me wanna tear my skin off. Having to live with him is like mental torture that I paid in advance for (i.e. paying his rent for him). I can tell my bladder is starting to weaken and this is usually where I take a break…but I just can’t. I keep getting the urge to do something that I know I’m going to regret, and I don’t know how else to stop myself rn.