I miss you,

But I miss missing you.

The raw emotion of it

The way it made my

Heart race and my

Skin pale - I would

Jump and yet depress at the

Mention of your name.

I would

Religiously avoid mentions of your

Social media, name, favourite song, your

Foods, your colours, your hobbies

Those hobbies stolen from the one who

Stole you from me.

They would make me writhe in my bed

Just desolate

Devoid of name

Just some entity who does nothing but

Misses you.

These days I’m more reasonable.

I love, but kindly.

I used to love kindly and have fire thrown in my

Face, have my reason thrown back at me like

Acid, burning through my confidence,

Breaking at my resolve, weakening yet

Strengthening my longing. Now I know

However much I wanted my love for you to

Grow, it wouldn’t, it couldn’t in that

Acidic, toxic environment

My love would rather I

Die than lose you, my oxygen, it would rather I

Wither, than you be away from me, that was not love