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You say I’m a narcissist.
But narcissists don’t cry for you when you cut them open.
You say I’m a narcissist.
But narcissists don’t take the brunt of your emotions when they’re too much for you to handle.
You say I’m a narcissist.
But narcissists don’t overthink how everyone feels about every action or word.
You say I’m a narcissist.
But I grew up with a narcissist. I know how they think, how they act, how they hurt.
I have never, in my right mind, wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me.
I have endured valleys of abuse, only to embrace you in the crater you’ve left in my chest.
And the few times I did fight back, after hours upon hours of keeping myself coiled up in the pits of my mind?
YOU say I’m a narcissist.
There are things I wish I could make you realize.
Things that would make you run and hide like the emotional child that you really are, afraid of the outside world and everything that can hurt you the way you were hurt when you were young.
Things that you would fight me about.
Things you would deny.
But you can’t make someone realize anything that they don’t have an open mind for.
You say I’m a narcissist.
But narcissists don’t wish you the best after you’ve left them broken and bleeding.
Unrecognizable.
I think I’m a narcissist.
Because you’ve told me so many times before.
It’s an echo in my brain and I’m hit with imposter syndrome, wondering if it really was me all these years.
I spend hours running through my memories, chasing answers that were never truly there.
I research narcissism and realize I don’t exhibit those qualities.
I think I’m a narcissist.
I go to therapy and navigate the depths of my despair, hoping that the worst isn’t true. Hoping that neither of us bear that title.
Hoping that it’s just pain driving the madness.
I think I’m a narcissist.
I spend time with someone who doesn’t bait me into arguments.
Someone who communicates in a way that shines a light into my darkness.
Someone who thinks I have wonderful energy and loves me for me.
I think I might not be a narcissist.
I speak with my inner child and reflect on everything we’ve been through.
I share my current experiences with the girl I used to be, and she smiles.
I think I might not be a narcissist.
I spend time with myself.
I’m learning the things I used to enjoy have changed, and I’m finding new interests every day.
I’m slowly becoming the person I have always dreamed of being.
I no longer think I’m a narcissist.
I’ve moved into my own place, even though I was terrified.
I’m learning what love is supposed to feel like, not the lie that you shoved down my throat.
You say I’m a narcissist.
But I think the denial runs deep.
You need someone to pin everything on because you can’t accept the truth for what it is.
I say you’re a narcissist.
And I fear I may be right.
Original Poem by Aleczander Texeira
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- 5 months ago
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