I was thinking of an earlier post here about how the community was inclusive of both people who read the books and people who prefer the screen adaptions, and then I wondered if that's because there's so many different adaptions. That if there was only one bad Hollywood adaptation that changed the story drastically, it might be way more divisive. But as it is, there's so many adaptions that people who love the screen adaptions still have a great sense of JA's skills.

So in turn, that got me wondering what might be the worst possible Hollywood adaptation of a JA novel. Your suggestions are requested!

Rules:

1. Assume that everything is implemented in the clunkiest manner possible. I'm firmly convinced that a good storyteller or director can make almost anything work but in this scenario, the storyteller or director is mediocre, at best.

2. The suggestion can be for any adaptation of any JA novel, or for a particular one, e.g. P&P.

3. No just stating an existing adaptation's name. This is partly to avoid controversy, but mainly to encourage creativity.

4. Notwithstanding (3), stealing upcycling elements from existing adaptations is allowed. Feel free to add embellishments to truly twist the knife in.

5. If someone suggests an element that you love in adaptations, or fanfics, remember rule 1: it's all in the implementation.

6. Suggestions can contradict other suggestions. Or even contradict themselves.

7. [Edit to add rule]: this is aimed at the worst possible Hollywood adaptation. If you want to make a suggestion about another possible film style, e.g. BBC, or Bollywood, I suggest mentioning it? At the moment I only have one idea for a worst-BBC style.

8. Have fun!

My suggestions

• The adaptation purports to be set in England but was obviously filmed in the hills in southern California. All the minor characters and extras have strong American accents. Bonus points for characters making frequent references along the lines of how lovely it is to be in England.

• The director, and indeed the entire film crew, have no sense of humour.

• The director actually has a reasonable sense of humour. Unfortunately it's all in the direction of slapstick.

• Elizabeth promises to Lady Catherine that she won't marry Darcy. Freeing her from her promise takes an entire hour of film time.

• Darcy's first proposal is interrupted by a comic interlude with Mr Collins.

• So is the second.

• Catherine's imaginings about General Tilney are entirely true, including the wax doll. The end of the film is a hand-to-hand fight between her and the general atop the Abbey. During a thunderstorm.

• NA again but this time the director decides to have John Thorpe turn up at the end and try to kidnap Catherine on her trip home. Henry Tilney appears in the nick of time to rescue her.

• When Maria and Henry elope, only the villains express any negative opinions, despite the adaptation being set in Regency England. Everyone else is all way too sex-positive and cool to care that the two just violated an important tenent of JA's religion.