There's a major doubt I have for which there is no satisfying answer for, I've asked several people already. It completely ruins my relationship with the creator. It's more emotional than something that is about hard facts, but I am not a machine that operates solely on logic, separate from wisdom, and connection with the creator is emotional after all, anyway. It's not something I can just "ignore" or just "accept".

If I can't even form a connection with the creator, my life is meaningless. This isn't something that's going to go. It's been two years since I originally thought about it, and I can't get out of this rut, because there is no satisfying answer. I can't fight the excruciating struggles of life when I can't find any strength from the faith and hate life.

I've exhausted all options available to me. I don't believe there's a way out. Should I just end it?