I'm tired of living, and have been forever. I don't want anything from life, I just want to sleep in peace, forever. I'm sick of having to stay, just because taking myself might land me in hell. I didn't ask for this damned life, nor for this trial for paradise. It doesn't matter if things are better in the afterlife, I have no desire for it, so I despise going through this "test".

To live is to just be faced with suffering and misery until I finally perish. Actually, even then, there's no guarantee I didn't screw up and face more suffering in the afterlife. So, if living wasn't tiresome enough, you have all these trials and prohibitions, one after the other. Any "ease" that may come is just temporary relief and it's back to the hell that is life again, and I don't want to partake in this incessant cycle that's going to continue until I fade away.

I just wish the suffering would end, forever - I'm done with this sick game. I likely have decades more to live according to statistical averages, and I don't want it (if it's shorter, great, but unlikely).

It's just this threat of further suffering I am forced to live for. I don't care about "elevation". I don't see this as "mercy", this life seems twisted and cruel to me.

I just want to leave. If it wasn't something that'd damn me to hell, I'd be gone years ago.

PS: Don't quote any verses, I've read them already.