I don't really have much of a drive towards Paradise for some reason (I already know what waits there), moreso just don't want eternal damnation to the hellfire.

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I recently cut out most of the sins I used to do, and am trying to do more good, but I have to supress my questions because I don't have any answers, I've looked at what I could online, and I certainly can't talk about them irl. I've discussed them on other forums and the reactions I've received were such that there's no way I will ask them again irl especially with people who commit violence in the name of 'religion' over here.

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"Allah has hated for you three things: Vain talks.... Wasting wealth... And asking too many questions (in disputed religious matters)...." [Bukhari, Sahih]

This is an extract from the Hadith as the rest is not relevant to what I'm saying i.e. Allah dislikes one asking too many questions (and I have to go through a series of questioning before I can truly accept something).

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I'm kind of nihilistic ig, I don't see the need for this life as Allah already knows our ultimate fate. Please don't get into debating for free will or the sort, I don't believe in it, its not a pillar of faith (so I don't have to believe in it to be a Muslim), and the traditional explanation used by everyone is inconvincing for me. and please don't give me the "Allah knows more than you/He created everything with purpose", if you don't know then don't speak of it rather than giving me intellectual cop-outs.

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Just give me some general advice (other than praying/duaa, already do that) or how I can distract myself from myself I guess. Everything feels worthless and all worship feels empty whenever I am reminded of this. I have to actively supress these questions that came about from pondering a bit too much, just to get on with life.