I bought a OTF switchblade for myself as a birthday present, and after engaging the release and retract a few times I saw a flash of myself in my mind’s eye holding it to my throat and hitting the button.

I wanted to get an OTF automatic knife for protection since I’m five feet with shoes on and travel for work sometimes but now I have a new “video” of me offing myself as a result.

I hate my visual imagination sometimes. When they’re bad “clips/videos” they’re fucking awful. It was like I could feel the jolt then slow warmth spreading from the wound even though it was all in my head and I saw it unfold in an instant. My heart is still pounding. I literally shook my head as if to clear the thought from my head. What the fuck is wrong with me??? I’m diagnosed with OCD and Depression. But I literally see what seem to be full on videos of me killing myself. Sight, sound, smell, sometimes touch. Why does my brain conjure up this shit??