Idk why sometimes I have intrusive thoughts that my fiancé is hiding p3do tendencies from me and that I shouldn’t have kids with him. I’ll bring up scenario’s like “I feel so bad my friend was SA’d by her dad when she was a kid.” and if he doesn’t give me the exact reaction i’m looking for him to give, I immediately think it’s a weird red flag. He can say “that’s disgusting” and i’ll still take it as “not enough” of a reaction or something idk how to explain it.

Idk if i was SA’d as a child & repressed it or something bc i have such a good memory and literally remember every detail of my life. However, I was put in plenty of situations as a child where it could’ve happened. idk tbh it’s just really annoying bc then my intrusive thoughts will start telling me this is a “gut instinct” when he’s literally never shown any signs of being a weirdo

it’s crazy bc i feel so safe with him like he’s literally my safe place and ive been with him for 4 years and i can’t imagine life without him, but any time i think of him holding, changing, or bathing our potential daughter i get uncomfortable and cringe. So again, maybe repressed trauma? idk but i feel like id remember considering i remember all my other trauma. or maybe i listen to too much true crime? does anyone else struggle with this?