So I’m new to this page and Reddit in general, but I’ve felt like wanting to share this for a few days now. I’m a 27-year old black man, 5’8” tall and would consider myself to be average looking with an athletic build. I’m an actor who’s been doing theatre for the past six years and looking to pursue a professional career in voice acting. For as long I can remember, I’ve been mostly attracted to white women.

The first time I knew this was when the first girl I ever “liked” was a white girl with red hair from my school back in 7th grade. I tried my best not to make it obvious because I wasn’t sure if she liked me back and my friends often teased me about it because of the fact that we had different skin colors.

I don’t think that me wanting to date women outside of my race would be considered a “fetish”, but I think it’s because I often feel comfortable around White women. I’ve had some really great experiences growing up with white women who were my teachers, coaches, directors, and mothers of my best friends that made me feel very warm. Even white girls that I went to school with and were completely platonic with were very approachable and chill.

Although I have gone on a few dates before, I have never been in an actual relationship since I’d eventually find out that every girl I would be interested in either had a boyfriend or was gay. I recently was in a play with a white girl (also a redhead) around my age who played opposite of me as my wife. Towards our last few performances, we came to the realization that we both liked each other and agreed that we wanted to hang out more often after being done with the play. The only problem is that she said that she wanted to think of me more as a friend and she’s been so busy with her job and her personal life lately, that we haven’t seen each other in two months now. The only way we’ve been able to communicate with each other is through text and even that gets weird sometimes.

I’ve had some relationship anxiety because of this and have been afraid of completely losing her because I actually liked her a lot more for her personality and who she was as a person besides the color of her skin and her hair (her physical traits felt more like a plus at this point). I also felt a deep connection with her because we’re both actors, love Disney, and are also Christian/Catholic who are close to our faith and waiting until marriage to have sex. My therapist has encouraged me to meet some new people on dating apps in the meantime since I’m not exclusively in a relationship with anyone right now. However, I haven’t had much success matching with anybody who is my type. I’m just curious of what to do right now and where to really start.