It's been about 8 years since my biological father spoke to me (that's a whole other situation and trauma) and now a year since my bio mother spoke to me.

She was super toxic. Treated me horribly and just didn't care. The last 2 days of contact she "helped" me but then her husband(my stepdad) shamed me on Facebook on a status I made. She then took back the help and told me she's never helping me again and im on my own. But I was homeless from the time I was 15 to 21, I already was on my own. Oh and I had just gotten out of a psych ward for a suicide attempt when she kicked me out. She didnt care I didn't have somewhere to live. That's just a small fraction of her toxicity. I could go on and on about the ways she hurt me, physically, mentally and emotionally as well as neglect.

I know things are better without her in my life. I've made so much progress with my mental health, I've felt more free. My acne has cleared up so much because I'm not so stressed. I haven't felt suicidal at all since she's been gone(survived 2 suicide attempts and 6 years in and out of psych wards) Everyone tells me this is for the best. But that doesn't make it any easier

Im only 22, yet I feel like I've lived many lives. I don't feel like I ever had a childhood yet I feel like a lost child. Im trying to figure out how to be an adult, how to heal and how to live day to day. It hurts to not have my biological parents give a shit and that I don't have them to talk to.

I was fine all day but then my girlfriend and I were cuddling and I started balling. We spent some time with a family who took me in 4 years ago and I consider them my parents (even use their last name) because I knew today would be rough but it's not the same as my biological parents wanting me.

It's stupid but I fixed our shower drain today and I wish I could tell my bio parents so they could be proud of me because im proud of me, even if it was something small

I just, I feel like an orphan and my bio parents are living life like I never existed

Sorry I know this is all over this place, im just having a rough day and I'm hoping someone here will give a shit