I suppose this is the third update I’m making about what happened a week ago. It’s bizarre for me to think that a week ago I was so stressed and anxious, I was having panic attacks. And now I’m resting after an amazing trip to see my girlfriend. I’m so thankful I chose to follow what I wanted instead of what my parents wanted.

To those who are dealing with controlling or overly enmeshed parents, you’re probably wondering how my mother acted towards me while I was gone. And that’s where this post picks up.

When I told my mother I was leaving to go and see my girlfriend, it prompted a meltdown. Screaming, shouting, temper tantrums, the whole nine yards. I couldn’t believe it, but I also knew it was going to happen. Guess I know why I was having panic attacks. Surprisingly, my father was so upset with me that he wouldn’t even speak. He was disgusted I was “choosing this girl over them”. They even went on to say that I could go on this trip, but they’re going to need evidence of where I’m at and to check in with them throughout the day.

I refused. Oh yeah. I laid a boundary and refused to let them push past it. But good god did they try. And by they, I mean my mother. She called me multiple times on the drive, and texted me about 10 times, asking questions and how my drive was going. I knew the moment she sent multiple texts, it was going to be a doozy. I responded to a few and two calls, but told her we’d talk later, because I was going to be busy. That didn’t stop her from asking me to immediately send my location when I got to my destination.

At this point, I was frustrated. She immediately flooded my phone and I wasn’t even done driving. So, I get to my destination, meet up with my girlfriend and go grab dinner. My mother is already trying to call me and sending me texts saying, “send location so we can see where you are” to which I didn’t respond for an hour only to say I’m busy. This set off the fuse. My mother began flooding my phone with texts that I was abandoning the family and choosing that girl over them. It was insane. Literally. She started spewing vile texts my way and then blocked me because she “couldn’t deal with the rejection from me”. I slept soundly and didn’t even respond.

The next day, I woke up to a call from my dad. Apparently, my mother was going off all night. She blocked me on my dads phone too, but he undid it. Then a few hours later I get a bunch of calls and texts from my mom. She’s begging me to get a hold of my dad because she got stabbed in the face with the frond of a palmetto. She told me her fever was climbing and she wasn’t sure if the frond was poisonous. I called her to see how she was and after lamenting about the situation, she started going at me again about how I was being such a horrible son. I told her I hope she feels better and that I’ll ask dad to get back with her asap. She continued to text and call me multiple times after an hour saying “thank you for caring… jeez, I can really tell where I fall in your life”

My mother did this every single day. I just kept my phone on DND and went about my vacation. Every time I’ve met up with my girlfriend, my mother has done this. It’s like she has to have her nose in every thing. But for the first time, I controlled the situation. It wasn’t easy and I felt like shit for the first day, but after reading texts that said nasty things about me and my girlfriend, I stopped caring. For the first time, I felt like I was actually alone with my girlfriend.

The drive home was fun, because my mom had backed off but asked to call. When she did, she wanted to get me to agree to not going on any more trips for a whole year. She just can’t bear the agony I’m causing her by being with this girl. I told her we’d talk later, and ended the call. She called back again and did more of the same. And so did I. Then after one more time, she stopped.

I used to think the hardest part of this was setting a boundary, but I’ve quickly realized the hardest part is facing the anxiety of reinforcing the boundary multiple times. I guess this all comes down to being able to be confident with a decision and not being a people pleaser. It’s a good thing my mother didn’t tell me she got a word from God and had been praying for God to take that girl out my life for a year now. Hold on, that was real 🥴