I'm falling in love with a married woman. I (30F) have been seeing Rebecca (30F) for about 3 months. We're both bisexual. She’s married (open) and also dating 'James', her boyfriend of about a year. [Her and her husband are no longer attracted to each other, and decided to try an open marriage for the past year]. She admitted she started dating other people (me) because things were getting serious with him (boyfriend), and she's always wanted to date a woman. She said she didn't expect to feel anything this intensely for me and that her boyfriend is 'jealous' and worried that she'll 'fall in love with me'. [She admitted to me that she's avoidant, in the beginning of our relationship, but that's she's getting help for it.]

Despite this, we’ve had incredibly intimate moments—most recently two weeks ago, when we spent three hours together making love, holding each other, and just breathing each other in, and memorizing each other's bodies with our eyes closed. It felt deep and meaningful, but since then, she’s been distant.

She canceled our last two meetups, saying she’s emotionally overwhelmed and needs time to decompress. Her texting style has always been apathetic and impossible to read, so I feel like I have no idea where she is headspace wise. She also went to Philly this weekend to see James and told me she’d use that time to ease her anxieties about us (because he’s jealous of me), but I haven’t heard anything since. Our texts have been surface-level at best, and she hasn’t acknowledged my flirty or romantic comments. I even left her last response on read because it felt so apathetic.

I feel like I’m being left in limbo. I have real feelings for her and want to lean into this, but her silence is making me question whether she still wants this too. Do I reach out to get clarity, or do I give her space and wait for her to come to me? How do I handle this dynamic moving forward?

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This is what I am planning on saying to her over text or voice note:

"My dear, look, I know your situation is complicated and I want to give you space to figure it out. From my end, so that there's no room for confusion, I have to admit that I feel a rare connection with you; it's something I haven't felt for someone in a long time. All I need to know for now is if you are still wanting to lean into this? I just need to know to feel secure in our dynamic, if we keep seeing each other, that you're invested in making this work, too."