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First of all dating as a whole is just garbage now. But as an INFP I feel like it’s even worse. I’ve been talking to this guy for almost a month now and I’d go to his place and stay the night with him a few times a week and everything seemed to be headed in a good direction. Our intimacy and connection felt very natural for us both at first and we acknowledged that. He was dealing with some personal things around finances so it got unexpectedly difficult and I saw his energy change a lot, so naturally it made me feel anxious and confused about where we were going so it threw me off and I kinda fell back a bit. As of last night now we’re no longer talking. Even though I agreed to talk things out in person with him, he ultimately felt like it was moving way too fast and he couldn’t get out of his own way enough to give me what I wanted. This really hurt my feelings because I genuinely didn’t see this happening. I thought we both wanted to get on the same page but it’s just another door slammed in my face from someone that didn’t see me as valuable enough to try for.
I find that I get invested way too early because I’m a very intentional person and at the end of the day, like most, I just want love. But this keeps blowing up in my face over and over again and I keep finding myself in situations where I’m dealing with fairly avoidant men that either have so much going on in their life that they can’t make room for me, or my intensity makes them feel like I want too much and they can’t give me what I’m seeking. I’m no fool, I don’t fall in love based off just a few happy moments, but if I like you and being around you makes me feel any good feelings, I want more of that and I want to explore it fully without feeling like I must restrict myself because of how long we’ve known each other. Is that such a bad thing?
i really hope one day we have that reign again 😭 i don’t see it happening tho lol
i did try to summarize everything because i’m very long winded so i may have been unintentionally vague. is there anything you feel i could clear up to paint the picture better? also- it wasn’t about being the male provider. we’re both 2 guys so that wasn’t the issue at all. but it was a big lifestyle adjustment for him because he just moved to my city and took a new job and it came with a major pay cut so that’s why it bothered him so much. also he doesn’t have people here.
right? i’m starting to think i need to actually seek out only other infp’s. unfortunately i think we’re the only ones that understand us lol
yeah for sure i definitely do agree there’s a societal pressure for men to always have their shit together, sexuality aside. he also at one point had his shit together before he came here so i completely sympathized with his situation. i’m also going through the same stuff as him with my own finances as i just recently moved back home around the same time he got here, so i tried to let him know he’s not isolated. but clearly it didn’t work so yeah it just sucks. i wish him all the best but i’m still sad about the way everything turned out.
yeah he definitely has a lot on his plate and i completely get it, i always have. i think some things could’ve been handled differently but i guess that doesn’t matter much anymore. you’re also right about the process of dating, but it fucking sucks in the mean time lol
i didn’t want to leave him.. he gave me no choice. i told him multiple times last night look let’s just meet in person and figure out a way to move forward. damn near started to feel like i was begging. he didn’t want to and kept reiterating things had just been moving too fast for how long we’ve known each other. there was quite literally nothing else i could’ve done.
the last guy i talked to before this one was an infj and it ended in him screaming at me on the phone and hanging up in my face lmao. but, to your point he was fucking amazing lol. our bond was intense and we connected so deeply, but it was just wrong timing i think.
i don’t think i’ll ever hear from him again, and i’m not waiting on it either. i wish him well on his journey.
this actually does give me hope. thank you for that. i also hope your relationship with your lover continues to flourish
he did say he runs away when things get too heavy. so he does have attachment issues. but we are done. mostly no chance of communication again. this was just a reflection post, mostly
thank you for your input. i do agree that we should be more careful who we pour into.
i don’t want to deal with it which is why i severed ties. my love language is quality time and checking in everyday so i’m not sure that he’d be able to fulfill those needs.
i’m glad i could help but could you elaborate?
very solid advice, thank you. going forward i’m definitely going to try and take things slower
i’m the infp, idk what his personality type is. pretty sure he’s an infj tho
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i hate that for us….