To confront my parents about my struggles and show them how they contributed to my conflicted life.

They always seemed like a safe haven, but I never felt that way. Now, I am seeking a diagnosis for autism, ADHD, and giftedness with my neuropsychologist, to highlight their negligence.

But that will never happen. They are too proud and would see me as ungrateful. They are too superficial to take the time to understand who I am. I will continue living with this resentment, never able to give them the typical pride they expected. This is especially true with my father. He looks at me, even when I am doing nothing in particular, with disgust. I am a disappointment to him.

He grew up poor, with a schizophrenic father and a bitter, likely narcissistic mother. Today, he supports the family, is determined, and wealthy. Initially, I wanted him to go to therapy to change how he treated me. At the time, I felt it was my only hope for improvement, as my therapist and I didn't see many options regarding him.

I remember once urging him to go to therapy. He agreed, but time passed and he did nothing. When I expressed my disappointment, he retorted by saying that I always disappointed him.

I harbor a deep resentment towards him. And I can't explain to him why, because he is a narcissist. A coward who only cares about money. His pride stems from his wealth.

I wish he knew how negligent he is. But he always talks about money, how proud he is of helping me financially with school and health insurance.

It's not that I refuse to improve, but I often seek unrealistic catharsis and want others to understand who I am. My resentment comes from trauma, common for a neurodivergent person neglected by conformist parents ignorant of differences. He wants me to be productive, attend parties, like cars, be wealthy, have sex, be masculine, and be useful to his work.

When I told him I was disappointed in him, he responded by saying he was disappointed in me. Was I not being reasonable? He helped me with school and health insurance, but what about emotional presence? What about empathy for my differences? What about respect for my individuality? The main reason for my decline is the lack of true support I needed as a neurodivergent child, something beyond mere money.

You are the main reason for my downfall, and you will never realize it. I wish you would understand the pain you've caused.