I often feel very alone despite being surrounded by people who love me. I feel like there’s nobody who will truly know me and understand me. There’s nobody at fault with this, just the way things are.

I think and feel things so incredibly deeply and always over analyze everything. I analyze everyone’s behaviors and actions and words. I’m always finding a deeper meaning to things. I also have a habit of thinking about people when they were kids which almost prevents me from being able to stay angry at someone. If I’m arguing with someone I think about them as a child and all the times they felt misunderstood or unheard and all of my anger turns to empathy.

Sometimes I’m laying in bed with my partner and he’ll be doing his own thing but I can’t help but sit there, stare, and think about him. Not “him” but HIM, you know? This beautifully complex human. He’s misunderstood so I want to do everything in my power to show him love and help him feel understood and appreciated and show him that he isn’t alone. I want him to know that he’s known and I see him. I want to surround him with warmth and comfort. I do this with everyone I get close to. I stop seeing them one way but start seeing them a completely different way if that makes sense?

I love feeling this way about others but it creates a disconnect. I feel like nobody will ever look at me and understand and love me the way I do them. I know this all might sound weird or dumb and it’s kind of a hard concept to explain but I’m feeling desperate to know that I’m not alone in this.