The window of my car cracked and split due to the cold this morning, an unknowing tiny pebble just at the right time in space deciding to be a go-getter. An adventurous tiny thing, without it's knowing, set in motion by the laws we all are connected to. That's not why i was holding back tears.

These chains of vines that that attach my heart to the things i love, nurtured, almost to the point of invincibility, show signs of faltering. One of them withers, and have been for some time, threatening to cast what it holds into the void. Looking around, there are several of these, withered and broken. I feel hopeless, my heart should be strong enough to have nurtured all of them, why yet another. Why. That's not why i was holding back tears.

It's the tought of not feeling and seeing what was once connected, lost. Having to paint an ethereal image in its place, with vines blooming instead of dying. Nurturing the happiness, love, feeling and comfort. Some of these are faint, some are gone, some shine with light and many cast a comforting glow. This vine will shine. The window of the car seemed small in comparison. That's not why i was holding back tears.

Seeing his eyes in the rearview mirror, it was comfort that took it's place. All my mistakes, failings, successes and choices having me finally notice the vine withering. I stay calm for comfort. i hold him close, pet his fur, and whisper in his ear. After all, this time it is fine, but the vine is still withering. That's why i was holding back tears.

I cannot afford the best care for my dog, only some. It's not enough for full comfort. I guess i needed to write this and throw it into the void. Not on some piece of paper to keep, as these feelings will never leave my side.

If the void can take what i love, it can have my feelings too. I know im stronger.