Hi fellow peacemakers,

I wanted to write down my struggles in the hope of finding some tips or direction.

My life has been falling apart slowly over the past couple of years. I developed severe feelings of anxiety when I was 16, and got diagnosed with adhd when I was 20 (last year). All my life, I've been adjusting myself to be accepted. I always pushed myself harder to please my parents and changed my personality when I was surrounded by peers. My academic progress looked like a descending staircase. My procrastination in school was so bad that I changed courses every semester or 2. I got through high school but never learned how to properly study. Then I tried university and failed 3 different degrees after the semester. I just chose a degree cuz it was expected by my parents, but never really knew what I wanted to do. After failing 3 times, I started working a job as a store clerk. I hated my job, got worse feelings of anxiety and was people pleasing so much that I fell into a burn out. I then quit my job for my own mental health's sake. Now I'm back home and still lost. My feelings of shame, anxiety, feeling lost, hopelessness...they are real bad.

So how do we do it? How do we choose a direction and not burn out after just a couple of months? How do we survive in this society, cuz it sure as hell doesn't fit me.

My anxiety is reduced so much and I feel so much more productive when my surroundings are in balance, when there are no expectations from the outside, when I am surrounded by plants and animals, when I have the freedom to decide my schedule and take enough rest to recuperate.

I'm an infp, have hsp, adhd, anxiety