Unsure if this is an INFJ thing or not...but I feel like I’m plagued with this constant existential crisis. It’s mostly career-related, so maybe the problem is my career choice. However, I also have a history of anxiety and wonder at times If it’s all in my head...or if my anxiety is caused by being on the wrong life path.

All that being said, work is a great source of anxiety for me. I have a masters degree and a board certification that’s not easy to acquire. I’ve always found success easily, but I feel as though I’m merely lucky. I often question how much of my success can be attributed to skill and knowledge and how much is a result of being a good student/intellectual, as well as a good performer with a strong intuition. Some might call what I’m feeling imposter syndrome... I always worry that I’m being judged by my colleagues and that I don’t measure up.

I also find very little satisfaction with my work. My passion for it has gone... I enjoyed it more when I worked in the field at a lower level and more directly with the clients one-on-one. However, the difference between that and what I’m doing now is a masters degree, a 1500 hour practicum, and twice as much earning potential or more annually.

I find myself feeling stuck. I don’t want to throw away all of my hard work by making a career change, but I don’t think I truly love my career. I find myself thinking fondly about simpler times past and wishing I could make a good living doing something more rewarding and meaningful to me. My work is meaningful and rewarding in general...just not personally fulfilling. I find myself daydreaming constantly and looking for every possible escape route that could lead to something that might bring me more peace and satisfaction.

It’s important to add that I have trouble staying at the same company for long... I’ve worked for 3 different companies in my field in 3 years since finishing my certification. I wonder if I have commitment issues, am too idealistic, and will always be looking for something better. I feel like I’ll never find the right company for me. I hold great disdain for corporate priorities and structures... I also dislike engaging with most of the other professionals in my field because they come off as snobbish and narrow-minded.

My occupation is a behavior analyst working with children with autism. I absolutely love working with children. I’m able to intuitively understand them and connect with them easily. However, I hate everything else about my job. In my free time I enjoy reading books on every topic you can think of, spending time in nature, taking care of my plants and animals (I have too many to list), bird watching, and practicing divination through dream analysis and tarot reading (this would be laughable to my professional community). I would like to start a meditation practice, but I have a 10 month old daughter who makes this challenging. I’ve also had dreams of homeschooling my daughter during her younger years to give her an enriched Montessori and forest school based education at least through elementary school.

I’m not sure how to continue. I don’t see a clear alternative path that would provide for my family in the way my current role does, but I also can’t see myself doing this until retirement.

I’m sorry this post was so long! I’ve got a lot on my mind to sort out here. Thoughts?