I'm just writing this to get it off my chest and hence the stream of conscious writing.

36/m, I have non-obstructive azoospermia and was diagnosed with it 5 months ago after trying to conceive for six months with my wife of a year and a half. We dated for two years, a whirlwind romance, were engaged for a year, we are both skilled professionals and fairly well settled in our careers.

To say this came as a kick in the teeth is an understatement. We haven't really started treatment yet (we were thinking of starting down the male treatment pathway and exploring TESE/MTESE and then IVF).

This has placed a severe strain on our relationship. We used to have routine disagreements about life which we would work through but this has just amplified many of these, and created new disagreements which I never knew even existed. Because of my culture and beliefs, I can't really accept donor sperm as a route to conception. My wife holds this against me and faults me repeatedly for it.

We've stopped communicating much and the physical aspect of our relationship has just become an afterthought.

My view is that at least we should go through with the treatment and see what happens. My wife thinks this has opened up an irreparable chasm between us, which I think is just a bit of a cop-out.

Today, the inevitable happened and my wife asked me to leave our house because she needed space after another heated discussion about fertility issues and our lives in general.

Its a hard pain. It will be gut wrenching to think of my wife leaving me, finding someone else probably and having children and a happy life. Everything just seems so dark and gloomy. How do you move on with life, meet other people? How do you deal with the social stigma and feeling like a failure. How do you pick up the pieces of your life after it has shattered.