Our daughter was born 4 years ago and we have an open adoption with her and her parents. It's been an overwhelmingly positive experience for us. Now that we're married, financially stable, and own a home, we really feel like it's our time to have children. I have PCOS, but since I was able to conceive naturally and accidentally, we did not anticipate struggling. We've been trying for about 8 months, and because of my condition, started seeing an RE a few weeks ago. She was pretty blunt with us and told us that we were really unlikely to conceive naturally ever again. I'm taking 1500 mg of Metformin to try to stimulate ovulation and I've passed all my blood tests, HSG, water sono, and mock transfer with flying colors. My husband's sperm looks healthy and plentiful, too. We're probably pretty lucky with that. Our next step is to start some more intense medication and track my ovulation to see if any occurs. If so, we may be able to conceive through timed insemination. If not, we'll escalate again to IVF.

In an effort to protect her privacy and the privacy of her parents, we don't tell many friends about our daughter. Additionally, my husband really wants to keep our fertility struggles private, and I am willing to respect that. Still it is (pardon my language) REALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATING that I now have these two emotional and interconnected secrets and cannot express to anyone in my life that I am terrified I lost my one miraculous chance at motherhood. My husband is entirely unwilling to consider options other than biological children, which I find odd given that as birthparents, we are uniquely qualified to be empathetic adoptive parents. I feel lost and alone because our situation is somewhat unusual. I'm afraid that if we aren't successful in our treatments, it will destroy my marriage because I want to be a mom more than I want almost anything.

This is long and rambling, and I'm not even sure what I am asking for. I guess I just need to feel like there is someone listening. I hope mentioning our daughter isn't a trigger for anyone, and I apologize if I've inadvertently upset someone here.