So a bit of background before I start. I'm a 36 year old bisexual man who mostly chooses to be with men. Had a few gfs in high school and college, but that was about it. In my gap year between graduating college and starting grad school where I was working to save money for grad school, I became a paid donor for a clinic in the area where I lived at the time. The donations were close-ended anonymous on both ends, so I'd never know them and they'd never know me aside from getting a notification from a letter via certified mail during grad school letting me know my "sample" had been used, which I was completely nonplussed about at the time.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago, and the gravity of what I did in actually CREATING MULTIPLE LIVES finally hits me, and I hit this weird spiral of desiring to see offspring of my own, and lamenting that I don't even know whether the ones I've had over the years are even still alive.

I still have a very active sex life, and I've been lucky to find that the guys I've been with are enthusiastic participants in humoring my "breeding kink", but every time when I finish I feel this huge void inside me lying there afterwards like my body knows I'm lying to it and nothing will result from this union.

So now I've been seeking this weird Holy Grail of semi-fatherhood where I happen upon a happily married couple who have been having trouble conceiving a child, befriending them, and remaining a family friend known as "uncle" to the kids while I can watch them grow and bring joy to the parents' lives.

I've been at it for years now with zero luck so far, finding nothing but guys wanting to role-play and catfishes who seem to have a real kink for stringing someone along for months and giving the address to empty houses for eventual meet-ups. But hope springs eternal, I guess.

Think I just needed to put all these thoughts out there and needed to rant to let out some steam.